Whether it be a romantic relationship or a casual encounter with a stranger, we as humans are destined to come across conflict in everyday life. Since these are unavoidable, it’s important that you know how to resolve problems for when the time comes. Most issues can be resolved with the same basic steps, which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.. While there are other ways to solve conflict, these steps will give you the foundation for resolving problems effectively.
Note: the following steps are based on the ideal situation that both parties are willing to resolve the conflict. This is not always the case and will be addressed later.
STEP 1: Collect Yourself
While it is important for you to say what is truly on your mind, you need to be concise and get all of your main points across without distracting yourself from the main issues. To explain yourself clearly, effectively, and appropriately so that the other party can understand your point of view, you must organize your concerns and prioritize your issues in advance. Start by writing down your thoughts and review them. This will help you see what is important and can eliminate anything unnecessary and irrelevant.
STEP 2: Find the Right Time
Make sure when you are about to resolve a conflict that you have a good mindset. If you or the other party are not ready to discuss the conflict, do not proceed. Only begin considering discussion once you have successfully completed step 1.You should set aside time to discuss the situation and contact the other party to make sure they also have had time to think. If the other party needs more time, be respectful and wait until both of you are ready. You want to start resolving when both of you are relaxed and are able to give the conflict your undivided attention.
STEP 3: Control Yourself
Remember to keep cool and remain composed throughout the discussion because it can be destructive to your relationships and your health if you fail to do so. It affects both your physical and mental health by adding stress to your life and clouding your judgement. Think before you act to ensure that you will not say something that you will later regret. You want to avoid becoming angry or defensive about things. The path of cycle of conflict can continue and can even create another problem if you are unable to control your anger.
STEP 4: Figure out the Source
It’s very important to figure out where the problem is rooted. If you do not, you could be solving surface problems rather than the real issue. Determining the root is like finding a cure for a disease; if you cannot find the source of the predicament, you will not be able to extract it completely. Focus on the ‘why’, not the ‘what’ otherwise you are only “treating the symptoms”. When resolving conflicts you want to extinguish the origin of the main dilemma. If you only temporarily fix the plight, you’ll find yourself trying over and over again without ever fully succeeding.
STEP 5: Explain Yourself
When it is time to explain yourself, be sure to utilize step one and three. You have gathered your thoughts and now it’s just a matter of expressing it to the other party. Although it sounds easy, it becomes difficult if you cannot balance both steps. For example, it is possible to get worked up again communicating your thoughts and challenge your ability to keep calm. Using both steps ensures the other party will take you seriously and take time to understand your point of view.
STEP 6: See Both Sides
Someone who is arrogant and condescending will never be able to resolve conflicts effectively. Everyone should have the chance to explain and everyone should be willing to listen. There could be things you do not want to hear. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with the other person or party, but you should be an active listener and give them the chance to explain themselves. Even if you’re right on your side of the argument, the opposing side can be right too.
STEP 7: Own Up to Your End
While it is hard to admit when you are wrong about something, it is critical that you do. Making excuses is an easy way to make the issue grow and draw the conflict out. An easy way to avoid this is to stop using the word “but.” By doing so you enable yourself to fully own up to your end of the conflict. It can also help you realize what your actions have done to contribute to the situation. It is vital that we admit to our faults in order to gain trust and learn from our mistakes. That being said, do not own up to anything you did not do in order to please the other party. It belittles the purpose of owning up to your end, which is to take responsibility, and makes it meaningless.
STEP 8: Don’t Bring Up the Past
Bringing up the past is one of the worst things you can do when trying to resolve a conflict. Reminding people of their previous mistakes can bring up bad memories and become another source of anger. Not only will it make the other person angry, it will also make them defensive. This in turn can have a negative effect on the success you will have in fixing the problem at hand. The past is in the past; let it go and focus on the current issue rather than pointing fingers.
STEP 9: Compromise
Not all situations can be a perfect win-win scenario. There will constantly be instances in our lives where we need to sacrifice some of what we want in order to satisfy both sides. You cannot always have what you want, neither can they. Selflessness is a very important part of any relationship. Working together with the other party to come up with the best solution for everyone is a great way to fix things.
STEP 10: Do Not Leave Things Unresolved
There is a difference between taking a break and completely walking away from a situation. Never leave a problem unresolved. Take a break if you need to, but always come back and fix things. Leaving an argument on a bad note could lead to grudges and may become the basis of other issues. The negative feelings will make it easier for you to get frustrated and focused on the problem when you could be spending your time and energy on something else; they can hinder your everyday productivity. Address the issue early on and prevent bigger conflicts.
And That’s That
By actively managing your conflicts, you will be able to use it as a learning experience. In the end, this will help you to positively progress with your personal and professional relationships. These steps are extremely effective in resolving conflicts and maintaining healthy relationships. Following them will help you to get along with others, even in a time of disagreement. In the event that the other party is not willing to resolve the conflict, you can still manage and prevent further issues. This may not completely rid you of the problem, but it can help both parties more forward.