With any interaction we have with other people, we have our own personal guidelines for how we expect them to treat us. They are our rules we set for ourselves that help us protect our energy and prioritize our time and wellness. These “guidelines” or “rules” are also known as our personal boundaries. Boundaries can be rigid, loose, something in between, or lack completely. There are six categories that most personal boundaries fit under. Those are: emotional, physical, sexual, workplace, material, and time.
Healthy boundaries help us establish our identity and develop autonomy. They help us maintain good mental health and keep us from experiencing burn out. A person with healthy boundaries can say “no” to others when they want to, but they are also comfortable opening themselves up to intimacy and close relationships. They are capable of giving, but doesn’t let it empty them.
On the other hand, lacking boundaries, or having poor reinforcement of boundaries can lead to the opposite – poor mental health, difficulty expressing yourself, and feeling disrespected. A lack of boundaries can leave us victims to emotional manipulation (whether the manipulation is intentional or not).
My focus will be on emotional boundaries. Emotional boundaries refer to how people feel and what they feel comfortable sharing with others. When identifying your own emotional boundaries, pay attention to how people make you feel, identify your feelings, and name them. Reinforcing your emotional boundaries can look like a lot of things, but here’s 9 examples of having emotional boundaries can look like:
- Saying no even if it’s easier to sacrifice your own needs to keep the other person from being upset
- Advocating for yourself if you feel uncomfortable you decide what you will and won’t tolerate
- Expecting respect and recognizing you deserve respectful communication it’s your right to walk away if you feel that someone is speaking to you disrespectfully
- Realizing that vulnerability is a choice and that you shouldn’t ever feel pressured about what to open up about you should share your feelings on your terms
- Dictating your own feelings you have your own identity and your feelings might not be the same as other’s and that’s OK
- Knowing you can change your mind you can rethink things and shouldn’t feel guilty if your opinion changes
- Accepting help you recognize what you need help with and what you need space from
- Asking for space you know you’re not pushing anyone away when asking for space, and know that sometimes alone time is needed
- Acknowledging that other’s anger is not your fault and refusing to take the blame you can acknowledge others’ pain, but acknowledge you don’t have responsibility over their actions
Remember, boundaries aren’t something that makes us unhappy; they aren’t set in stone, nor are they about being right or wrong. They help us examine our own limits and challenge us to communicate more directly and prevent miscommunication, misunderstanding, and built up resentment. Setting boundaries is an attempt to make your relationships work, not cut people out. So, put up the personal partition, prioritize your wellness, and see how having and reinforcing boundaries can make your relationships more enjoyable for yourself and others.